I am probably going to be robbed.
October 7, 2008A few days back my dad wrote me an email. I know what your´re thinking; your dad can use the Internet!? Even John McCain can’t use the Internet; perhaps your father should run for president! To that I respond with what he wrote: “Been reading your blog – the last one was weird. Maybe you can talk about funny life in Spain (yours, your classmates, teachers, etc.)? I’ll see if I can think of anything else for ideas. I don’t like Butterflies – they kind of scare me.”
That’s a completely unaltered piece of text from his email. My blog is weird Dad!? You´re the one who randomly talks about butterflies, sheesh. Now I admit, that quotation is taken very much out of context, but it´s pretty funny though right? Even in context (I had written him an email that talked about the cute little winged creatures for some reason), who would want someone who is afraid of butterflies ruling our nation (though President Bush is afraid of both pretzels and probably cooties)?
The reason I bring his email up though is because for once in his life, he’s actually right. He wasn’t right when he said HD-DVD was the way to go. He wasn’t right when he said the stock market would skyrocket this year. And he definitely wasn’t right the time I fell off the swing set and he said my arm was probably fine and that using the bathroom would make it feel better (it was broken in 4 places).
But this time, he’s right. I’ve been studying abroad in Madrid for a month now and it’s about time I wrote about it. The only problem is, there has been absolutely no “funny life in Spain.” You see, for the last few weeks, I´ve lived in a state of continuous fear (and the occasional feeling of gut wrenching pain when I turn the shower on too hot, but that can happen in the States too)!
Why the never-ending fright? Why the constant fear for my life? You see, I’m 99% sure my apartment is going be robbed soon. I can’t be sure exactly when, but definitely within the next week or so.
Intrigued? Sorry, that story will have to wait for my next post… I’d go into more detail now, but I want to tease you all and leave you on the edge of your seats!! Actually, the story of how I know I’m going to be robbed is a tad long, so I figured if I separated the posts it would be easier to digest.
But seriously, I honestly think I’m going to be robbed, so stay tuned! In the mean time, please watch the following video dramatization of how I think the aforementioned robbery will go down:
Regarding Father’s email: ROTFF LMFAO GITAW. IMBFFRYB AAR,IMEUCOMOT LITG LMSTR!
Rolling on the %$** floor laughing my $#*^ @$$ off getting in trouble at work. I might be fired for reading your blog and as a result, I might end up choking on my own tongue lying in the gutter leaving myself susceptible to robbery!
If you’re not good at anagrams.
Chris
After viewing that commercial, I am unable to believe that McDonald’s has actually sold over 100 billion hamburgers. It must be a lie.
Jacob, you kind of look like the Hamburglar.
I never did realize the Hamburglar was so good looking, but now that I see how dashing he is, I definitely see the resemblance!
Is there a reason you are getting a pass on the butterfly (euphemistically “the cute little winged creatures”) email to your dad?
After such an email, I think you pretty much relinquish all right to proclaim the oddness of oddities, no?
Why do you write about your dad? Was it he who was most influential in your life or was it your mom?
Butterflies…. he thinks BUTTER FLIES when he has food fights in restuarants….. Come on now…. does this guy really know anything…. I think you probably take after your mom… at least in the “smarts” department. However, you probably take after your father when it comes to collecting…c…….p I think your mom told you what to do if you get robbed… Think about it… she has told you a lot of important stuff…
First, to prove to you that I am your father – I will bring up a little fact that only you will know. No one knows, but you have a mole on your “Behind” in the shape of the country of Chile. Now that I have proved I am your father – I ask… So this is what I’m spending my money on sending you to college? To write deflamatory blogs about me? I do not like Butterflies. I rather enjoy hitting them with my car windshield and seeing them float to earth in my rearview mirror. I do like Spiders and leave them live in my house when I see them. They take care of the other insects in my house. Hmmm… I see where some of your comments come from now. So maybe us sending you to college is money well spent. Another little known fact about your “On The Scene Blogger” in Madrid is that he is scared of rabbits. When he was 4 years old we took him to the mall at Easter and the guy in the bunny outfit said “So, do you like Chili (Chile)?”. I can’t wait to hear why you think you’re going to be robbed. As your father – this is of concern to me. Make sure to lock your door. Make sure to hide your valuables. Do not try and fight back – give them what they want. But most of all, make sure your roomates don’t know of your fear so that they don’t watch their valuables and those are stolen, not yours.
“Your Dad” – You are a fraud. You are not Jacobs Father. I am. Jacob knows his mole is not in the shape of Chile, but it’s actually in the shape of Tennessee. AND I do not like Butterflies. You never quite know where they are flying and that scares me – What’s the big deal?
So what happens next? Did your computer actually get robbed resulting in your inability to write another entry?
Confused and concerned,
Chris
Have no more fear — the French (God bless them) have arrested the ETA’s top commando leader! Now the chances that you’ll be victimized in the name of Basque independence and nationalism has decreased dramatically.
Yeah I hope life is going well for you-better than Mr. Aspiazu Rubina’s at least.